The World’s Worst Mai Tai

I found this recipe in the 1980 book from Michael Walker called simply The Cocktail Book. The entry says “There are several different versions of the Mai Tai, but this seems to be the most popular with bartenders and patrons alike.” Walker also says “this drink will taste deliciously innocuous, but beware! It has a habit of creeping up on you.”

Photo by Derek / Make & Drink

(World’s Worst) Mai Tai by Michael Walker
½ measure Dark Rum
1 measure Light Rum
½ measure Tequila
½ measure Triple Sec
1 measure Apricot Brandy
1 measure Orange Juice
1 dash Orgeat
1 dash Angostura Bitters
2 dashes Grenadine
Blend with ice until smooth. Decorate with slices of orange, lime, lemon, pineapple, and a maraschino cherry.

With all those ingredients and the elaborate garnish, I’m not sure which bartender would prefer to make this compared to a traditional five ingredient Mai Tai.

We shared this monstrosity with Derek from Make & Drink and he invited me over to the bar to try it! You can watch to the video to see our reactions but suffice to say while this might be an okay generic tropical drink it by no means should be called a Mai Tai. Not with tequila and apricot brandy.

Top Nine for 2022 on Instagram

For those of us who still value photos on Instagram, here are my top nine most liked photos. Thanks to all the followers and lurkers, plus my relentless almost daily posting, I received 38,400 likes in 2022.

  1. Royal Hawaiian Mai Tai
  2. Authentic Mai Tai costume
  3. Inside Passage 📷:@juliebeane
  4. Tiki Ti
  5. Save Trader Vic’s London (repost from @savetradervicsldn)
  6. Trader Vic’s Tiki Stem Coupe with Blue Caribbean Cocktail
  7. My Hawaiian Mai Tai presentation at Tiki Kon 📷:@juliebeane
  8. Mai Tai in Trader Vic’s San Jose Airport 1st Anniversary glass
  9. Cocktail at California Gold bar in San Rafael

Killer Mai Tais, Literally

There’s a key plot point in the new season of American Horror Story: NYC on FX/Hulu. There is a serial killer at loose but he only seems to be killing men who order Mai Tais at bars.

No, I’m not joking. Thank you to Amanda Hastings for the heads up on this detail.

Look, haven’t we already suffered enough with bad Mai Tais over the years? Now we have to deal with looking over our shoulders and worrying about copycat killers!

This kind of show isn’t really my bag though, Mai Tai or no Mai Tai. If someone wants to send me spoilers via DM I wouldn’t mind knowing how this turns out. Maybe the killer has a grudge against Trader Vic or is simply a Martini fanatic.

This brings new meaning to the phrase “Mai Tai Till I Die.”

Fetch Me a Mai Tai, Ping-Pong

RIP Angela Lansbury

Beloved actress Angela Lansbury died today at the age of 96. The actress was most known for appearing on numerous productions on Broadway and in later years as the star of the Murder, She Wrote television series.

The role I most associate with Lansbury was as Elvis Presley’s mother in the movie Blue Hawaii. Her character was grating at times, though Lansbury convincingly played the mother despite being less than ten years older than Elvis.

Blue Hawaii has some great music and pretty good performances by Elvis and costar Joan Blackman. And of course some gorgeous scenery of Hawai’i. Less good things can be said about the stereotypical and (currently viewed) racially insensitive portrayal of the Hawaiian and Asian characters in the film, notably the Chinese manservant Ping-Pong. Though, the stereotypical portrayal of Lansbury’s character of a Southern wife and mother probably won’t be viewed positively by many as well.

The line that is most memorable is when Lansbury’s character asks for a couple of Mai Tais. I mean it is just so ridiculously awful and insensitive today to hear her say “Fetch me a Mai Tai, Ping-Pong” that just have to shake your head.

Mai Tai Punch Lip Balm

Some of you know my previous claim to fame was as the founder of Lip Balm Anonymous back in 1995. Did a bunch of media appearances including being the focus of a two part investigative report on the Daily Show back in ‘98 (not joking…). The addiction is real, even if the tone isn’t serious.

So we have to thank our longtime friend @wyrdnet for sharing this one with us. I mean what’s worse than addictive lip balm? Addictive flavored lip balm that also is an example of a terrible Mai Tai.

Stay away, folks. Stay away.